Why can’t otherwise smart people get it right regarding marriage?

I have been married for just over 41 years. My wonderful wife, Shirley, and I have had our shares of squabbles and ups and downs, but in truth I can say neither of us has even thought about divorcing, ending our relationship, "loving" or getting involved with someone else, etc. (I sometimes marvel that she's not yet come to her senses and tossed me back for someone better, but I continue to be blessed by that lack of judgment on her part.)

I've thought about all this stuff today because I heard just this week about 1) one very prominent, nice-guy politician who admits he cheated on his wife, 2) one very good, very sharp actor whose wife just filed for divorce, and, 3) strong rumors that one seemingly intelligent, good man who's a famous cable talk show host is about to divorce wife number SEVEN. (Seven marriages and divorces? I've heard the old phrase "trophy wife," but someone that often married and divorced needs to understand that wives are not REALLY trophies to be collected, don't you think??)

I honestly wonder why marriage is so difficult for seemingly sharp, intelligent people. I realize emotions often overcome rational thought and lead even good, smart people to make mistakes in their relationships. But I don't think that's really the problem. I think it's more an issue of commitment, willingness to be open and honest, willingness to risk being vulnerable, and a real dose of needed selflessness.

I'm really not a marriage counselor. Although many years ago I did briefly pastor a church, I really don't consider myself any sort of counselor or adviser. But if I WERE asked to give my one "secret" to a successful marriage it might be some restating of the paragraph directly above this one. And I might add the following paragraph to that:

Don't just say you love someone and make a "commitment" that's really no commitment at all. If you love someone enough to live with them and "commit" to them, you really need to make that commitment formal and legal; you need to get married with the commitment to give yourself to that person and that marriage unconditionally.

So, there you go. That's my best shot. Now husbands, stop treating your wives as trophies. And women, start genuinely loving your husbands. Genuinely love one another.
[tags]marriage, divorce, relationships, intelligent marriages, loving relationships, just a guy who reads the papers[/tags]

August 8, 2008 | Filed Under Cultural News, Personal News