Odd News

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‘Stupid crooks’ should be a legitimate criminal classification

I read something in this morning’s local paper (yes, I DO still read newspapers) that convinced me that “stupid crooks” should be a bona fide classification under the law.

Three women, showing signs of being seriously drunk throughout the incident, ran up a $39 tab at a local Waffle House restaurant (if you don’t have a Waffle House where you live, you can still figure out from the name what sort of restaurant it is, right?). When it came time to pay, they simply fled the restaurant, jumped in a car and took off.

They left their three purses behind.

Funny, right? It gets better.

The restaurant owner quickly locked the purses in his office and called the police.

Before the police got their — two of the women CAME BACK TO THE RESTAURANT TO GET THE PURSES!!

See? I told you it got better.

The restaurant owner refused to give up the purses, saying the women needed to stay there to answer to the police. The two women, not being quite that drunk or that stupid, fled again at the mention of “police.”

As of press time, the police were using the ID in the purses (which included, among other things, a check stub for a meal at a Waffle House in a nearby state) to track down the women.

Catching crooks like these doesn’t require any fancy electronics, or surveillance cameras, monitors, or anything else. They practically catch themselves, don’t they??

News overload? Probably time to give it a rest

One thing I’m learning about myself since starting this blog — it’s really easy to get burned out about all the idiocy going on in today’s world. You can take it to seriously, develop strange physical ticks and muscle twitches, stress out, and grow large dark circles under your eyes.

Or you can occasionally say, heck with it all, turn off the cable news channels and actually QUIT reading the papers (online or offline papers) for awhile.

I’ve chosen in recent weeks to do the latter. It began when I finally couldn’t endure the idiocy of all the anti-everything crowds who rail against everything at the so-called “tea parties.” It grew into a compelling need for me when I listened to politician after politician spout silliness about health care reform. When something like 60 percent of all Americans surveyed want SOME sort of “public option” heath care and the politicians shout “SOCIALISM! SOCIALISM!” about the idea — well, then you just know some insurance companies and HMO/PPO people have politicians paid and stuffed nicely in their rear pockets.

So the final straw came for me a couple of days ago at one of the “tea parties” where most of the House Republicans showed up to rail against health care once more, and the somewhat odd “mis-speech” by Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio). While waving a copy of the U.S. Constitution in his hand and proclaiming the importance of it, and calling the House health care bill the worst violation of U.S. freedoms he’d ever seen — he proceeded to quote the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

Except what Boehner REALLY quoted was the opening of the Declaration of Independence.

None of his colleagues standing behind him noticed the error, or if they did they never gave him a heads-up or wink or nod to inform him of the gaff. Perhaps they either 1) didn’t know the difference, 2) didn’t care about the mistake, 3) were too cowardly or “weasily” to make the correction, 4) were so patronizing about the dedicated patriots at the rally to think they would know the difference, or, 5) all of the above. LOL!

Whatever. At that point, I decided it’s time to take a break from my news overload. Have you thought about doing so, too?

Show respect when you use term ‘pond scum,’ please

I was reading an interesting article online earlier today about the wonders of wildlife some urban grade school kids experienced when they went on a field trip to a nearby park with a pond in it. They were fascinated by the tiny worms, leeches, other small critters, birds, plants — it was fun for them and very educational in light of the urban setting in which they lived.

The story reminded me of an attempt my son made when he was a kid to create his own pond (without parental approval or assistance) in our backyard one weekend. The pond never got off — uh, maybe that should be “out of” — the ground, really. We never had to spend a dime on pond supplies because he soon found our backyard was filled with rocks and the spot he chose apparently sat over some sort of concrete or brick structure left over from an ancient (?) alleyway.

If you live in a city, I urge you to get your kids out to parks with ponds, or even to nearby wildlife preservers. Make sure they (and YOU) enjoy the wonders of nature.

And never let them dig would-be ponds in your backyard.

Never know what people are looking for online, do you?

You never know what sort of things people may look for on the Internet, do you? Sometimes it’s just fun to see all the oddball stuff out there, whether we’re talking about celebrity gossip, rare antiques on eBay, good garage floor tiles at some specialty site, or just odd news and information on Google or Yahoo.

I actually used to have an “Odd News” website bookmarked at one point a few years ago. I was sending out a humorous daily “ezine,” i.e., email newsletter, to a small mailing list, so I had the site marked and checked it frequently for stuff I could use in the newsletter.

I recently checked an “odd news” site and found stuff that really needs to include something like, “Kids, don’t try this at home.” Such stupid human tricks as — a convenience store clerk that flustered a robber and turned him away by insisting the robber show him his gun and a woman who was arrested covered with blood after she bit her boyfriend’s tongue off following an argument.

Really, people, how about a little more “odd news” and a little less “armed or dangerous” news? Lighten up, mankind!

Who knows? Maybe this guy’s recovery is sort of a ‘Christmas miracle’

(Editor’s Note: This post was originally posted last year. It is being brought to the top of the blog as a function of a plugin I use which takes “old” posts and features them again for readers who may be new to the site. That’s why there are seasonal references here to Christmas.)

I fell off my bike a lot when I was a kid — which is nothing much, especially compared to the New York City window washer who plummeted about 500 feet down the side of a skyscraper and is now alert and able to talk with his family. And now neat: He first started talking again on Christmas Day, 18 days after his horrible accident.

Such a fantastic story, and I’m just now hearing about it? I recall the day CNN showed the accident, with the crumpled scaffolding lying in the Manhattan street. The man’s brother died in the accident, and Alcides Moreno, 37, was on a ventillator for almost three weeks. But on Christmas Day, he spoke to his wife for the first time since the accident. The story says he’s facing further surgery and rehabilitation, but he’s expected to recover and even walk again.

“If you are a believer in miracles, this would be one,” said the hospital’s chief of surgery, Dr. Philip Barie.

Those were the doc’s words, not mine. So maybe miracles do happen. And how nifty for Moreno and his family that it was on Christmas Day.

Every time I try to remain a cynical skeptic about so many things, something like this comes along.

Ah, well, what do I know? I’m just a guy who reads the papers.

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Skateboarding icon Hawk hits White House hallways

To the amazement of some and amusement of others, pro skateboarding icon Tony Hawk rolled through some of the hallways of the White House as part of a Father’s Day visit to our national mansion.

Admittedly, it’s a bit jarring to think of the floors of the White House being turned into makeshift skaetboard ramps, and that didn’t set well with some of the media and/or political pundits. (One Fox News commentator expressed outrage at the matter, saying: “President Obama should be grounded for at least a week for letting Tony Hawk play in our house. Where in hell are the adults?”)

Okay, okay, I get it. Perhaps it was not only a little disrespectful, but downright weird that a 40-something pro skateboarder should roll through White House corridors, and even Twitter about it. Maybe we need to remember, however, that the White House is not only “our house” — it’s the president’s house, too. I haven’t read all the stuff about this incident, but what I did read indicated Hawk’s presence had to do with celebrities and sports figure “dads” who went out to do volunteerism in the D.C. area afterward as part of the whole event.

And it is worth noting that nearly every presidential family has outraged both the public and the White House staff at one time or another as the children proceeded to be children, even in the White House.

Hawk’s skateboarding in the mansion probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but then presidents and their families deserve a bit of a break, I think, regarding their home. No damage done.

Need brain surgery? DON’T GO HERE, would be my best advice

I’ve never had brain surgery (that I remember?), nor have I had any immediate family or friends who have had brain surgery. But I would think, if I needed brain surgery, my top priority would be a surgeon and hospital team with a record of doing the surgery right.

Nevertheless, there’s a hospital in the country which has a record of sorts that would make me go elsewhere — they seem to have perfected the concept of “wrong-site brain surgery”: Three times in the last year surgeons at Rhode Island Hospital in Providence, R.I., operated on the WRONG parts of patients’ brains. If you read the article, you’ll see the problem stems from surgeon arrogance, carelessness, and intimidation of nurses and other surgical team members.

My highly unscientific suggestion for you if you need brain surgery and live in Providence might be — move to Connecticut! Or New York! Or California! Or Nebraska! Or … just about anywhere else.

I used to joke around and say the one thing you never want to hear a brain surgeon say is, “Oops!” I guess I’ll add to that: “Where?”

All kidding aside, how can anyone excuse or explain such horrible accidents? If the brain surgeon involved is so arrogant as to intimidate those he works with to the point they won’t correct him or stop him in such cases — he has no business doing surgery, and such cowardly, care-nothing assistants have no business working in surgery with him. We ought to have a medical system in this country that 1) allows for serious civil and even criminal penalties for such people, and, 2) turns such brain surgeons immediately into “former” or “retired” brain surgeons.

Ah, well, what do I know? I’m just a guy who reads the paper — and tries to protect his brain!

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Quick everyone, send a thank-you email to Newt Gingrich

Sometimes conservative Republican politicians just puzzle me; sometimes they astound me. In the case of former Rep. Newt Gingrich, the term would be “astound.”

Here’s a guy who left the House under an ethical cloud (he paid a $300,000 fine to cover the cost of investigating some 84 ethics charges brought against him), who was forced to step down as speaker by plotters within his own party, and who certainly led a less-than-stellar moral life. I won’t say more than that, because my purpose isn’t to sling mud.

I’m writing this to encourage all of you to send a “thank-you” note or email to Mr. Gingrich for his latest declaration: He has opted out as a citizen of the world. Yes, that’s exactly right. Although no less than Presidents Ronald Reagan Obama declared themselves citizens of the U.S. and citizens of the world, good old Newt says the whole concept is “intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous.”

Of course, as with most conservative Republicans I know and have listened to or read over the years, Mr. Gingrich will not let contradictions or inconsistencies deter him, I’m sure. He has, however, very clearly, publicly opted out as a citizen of the world. Perhaps the world is breathing a sigh of relief — maybe even sending him thank-you notes.

When does clothing stop being funny and become ‘disruptive’?

When do funny t shirts become “disruptive or inflammatory”?

The county I live in has decreed that people wearing “clothing, apparel, or other accessories containing distruptive or inflammatory language or content” will no longer be allowed to enter county buildings. I’m not sure about the entire ordinance, so I don’t know what will happen if someone shows up for court wearing such apparel, or if they simply need to go to the county courthouse for a necessary permit, to pay taxes, look up property records, etc.

Let me say upfront that I rarely go out in public in just a T-shirt or so casual that any of my clothing or “accessories” would put me at risk to be hit by the new county law. But I think you’re on a real “slippery slope” when you pass such laws. Indeed, I’ve seen people wearing very expensive clothing that I personally thought was at least tasteless and perhaps downright vulgar. But I’ve never really thought it was my business to be the Social Police and call them on the matter.

Sort of if you want to make a fool of yourself in public, I’ll get over it, but will YOU?

I guess it rankles me a bit anytime the government decides to be Head Nanny. What do you think about the matter?

You think elections are expensive? How about Halloween?

I read a news story in our local paper a few days ago that says all the election races combined this year — presidential, congressional, senatorial, etc. — will total about $5.4 BILLION dollars. This is supposed to be the most expensive election in U.S. history by far. My reaction was to be horrified that we spend that much money for elections. It clearly means you can’t be elected to a national office, at least, without spending a lot of money.

Then I read the rest of the story and got a really odd perspective on the high costs of elections. The same story says AMERICANS WILL SPEND ABOUT $6 BILLION THIS WEEK ON HALLOWEEN.

In other words: Americans are willing to shell out more for a week’s indulgence in parties and candy than we are to elect those who lead us. I guess that’s how I understand that, anyway.

All my life I’ve enjoyed Halloween. I’m not a morbid or “scary” person. (I once tried to write a horror novel, but just really couldn’t generate interest in doing it.) When I was a kid I really enjoyed the trick or treat candy, candy apples, popcorn balls, etc., and when my two kids were small we took ‘em around the neighborhood — and we still give out candy each year ourselves.

But somehow it doesn’t seem right to me that we have such an imbalance in our national priorities (as if we really HAD any national priorities).

Does that mean we should spend MORE on elections? Or less on Halloween?

How about BOTH. How about we spend more on secure, easily usable voting methods, and more on getting people registered and motivated to vote? And that we also try to show some sense and moderation on our partying and candy buying? (Yeah, I know. Hard times like these probably call for MORE chocolate and not less.)

How do you feel about this odd comparison/contrast on how we spend our money? Leave a comment and let us know.

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